I slept through the week, what happened?
13th December 2020
PEANUTS WILL NOW BE AVAILABLE IN UK VACCINATION CENTRES
With two individuals experiencing adverse reactions to the Pfizer vaccine being rolled out this week, health authorities are advising those with anaphylactic allergic reactions to medicine or food should not get vaccinated. This should appease peanut fans, who’ve been missing consuming peanuts in public spaces for fear of a nearby child going all Violet Beauregarde.
Health authorities also added that anyone who is allergic to science or reason should also avoid vaccination centres, and see how their batshit theories pan out for them and their older loved ones.
ELLEN DEGENERES JOINS RUDY GIULIANI IN TESTING POSITIVE FOR COVID: WHO BACKFLIPS ON EFFICACY OF BEING A TYRANNICAL ASSHOLE
After Whitehouse father and son duo, Trump and Trumper, both contracted covid during the later half of the year, many people in the asshole-camp had already begun to doubt the wisdom/wishful-thinking that treating those around you like you’re better than them would somehow magically eradicate the virus.
It now seems clear the virus does not discriminate between arrogant pseudo-dictators who ignore precautions and self-righteous middle-class protesters who ignore precautions.
REPORT SHOWS THAT 9 MONTHS OF WFH AND NOT POPPING OVER TO BALI HASN’T STOPPED THAT CLIMATE CHANGE THING
Scott Morrison’s invite to next year’s Glasgow climate change conference seems to have gotten “lost in the mail”, perhaps because his latest grand climate commitment is “not to cheat by using carry-over credits like we were planning to”. He claims he’s not bothered by the snob, as although he’d already booked flights, he made they were transferable to Hawaii instead.
THE WEATHER
(aka: ‘I Slept Through Looking Out The Damn Window’)
We’ve seen a return to normalcy (the country being on fire underwater), with K’gari-Fraser Island and South Australian bushfires kicking off the season just as South East Queensland has started getting drenched. Storms are always made out to be such a party — wild weather, coastlines lashed, shopfronts getting smashed. Bushfires on the other hand are a bit more chillaxed; smoking up, getting blazed. Let’s hope this summer doesn’t hotbox us like last year.
Valued reader, you’ll surely be as pleased as I was to learn about this Violet Beauregarde fansite I found while doing investigative journalism for my articles. It includes Violet fan-fiction, galleries and videos, as well as an explicitly expressed tip for using the website, noting that any text which is underlined is a link! If only someone had told me that sooner, my experience of the internet would have been so different.